Welcome! Happy Sunday brunch from Florida.
Let's have a little reflective banter,
raise our mimosas or mugs and
clink a cheers to a bit of connection.
This week, the majority of my clients are feeling lonely.
Because I love words, let's add isolated or companionless.
Feeling companionless, while in the same room with their companion.
Feeling isolated, when there are other humans in the building.
Even if this is NOT you,
when you read it,
do you feel the 'lonely' in the words?
I bought my own house last year
(with my name on the mortgage!)
and in order to get what I wanted at a price I can live with,
I purchased an hour outside the city.
My realtor and friend was concerned that I might feel isolated.
I didn't laugh,
but I had felt so alone in my marriage for so many years,
I could not imagine a bigger lonely than that.
I recall, too,
the judgement I had--
"How can you feel lonely? They are right there!"
"You should do something."
"This is a you problem, something is wrong with you."
"Maybe go back on antidepressants?"
"You should be more grateful."
Or I'd turn it around and think:
"He doesn't really love me," and then
"I'm not lovable."
I mean... OUCH.
Lonely felt bad,
but talking to myself like that was harmful.
Like I was beating myself up. Every day.
So what do we do with that?
TODAY'S DEEP BREATH: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision.
I'm not gonna lie, I still catch my Mean Girl punches, sometimes immediately
and sometimes after feeling bad for a few days--
but I always catch it eventually.
Step 1: FLIP, like a coin.
In the situation described above, I would often feel:
The opposite of these is:
Easy enough to get there, right?
That is definitely the easy part.
The rest is called work for a reason.
We will use ice cream, alcohol or even popcorn to feel better.
We'll rely on our partner to feel better, and blame them when we don't.
What we don't do is
learn to be content with ourselves, or
feel connected to ourselves on the inside or
feel unconditional love for ourselves, thighs and all.
MY EMOTIONAL HONESTY:
I don't think there will ever be a time
where I don't have to flip, like when I've done it enough
where the beatdowns don't come.
It's kind of a habit.
I am practicing being kind to myself.
Enjoying my company.
Laughing at myself, and
not swirling in my head about what it all means.
Here's a tip: get out of your head and into your body. Take some deep breathes and follow that breath into your belly. Drop your shoulders. Relax your jaw.
OK, that's enough for now. More on the pod: click here.
With warm connection,